I guess I finally hit the wall. The emotional wall of feelings that have been building since I arrived in Moscow on June 23rd. The days of shots, stem cell harvesting, chemotherapy, the stem cell re-infusion. The constant fatigue, the isolation, the longing to see my boys and my friends…it has taken it’s toll on me today. Knocked me down. And I am struggling to pick myself up…read on and you will learn why.
Yesterday I was allowed outside sooner than I had hoped. It had rained earlier in the day, so my white bench as too wet to sit and dream upon. I was only allowed 5-10 minutes of a very slow pace on my cane, but in that time I was almost reborn. Fresh air, the sun on your face, birds chirping and trees rustling in the breeze. I felt alive again, and it felt good.
I did crash into a pile of fatigue when I returned to my room. But the vacation outdoors remained with me.
Today begins a new and different chemotherapy. A one time, five hour+ infusion here in Moscow. I guess that’s why I’m so melancholy. To have such a great day yesterday, and taking the baby steps to climb mole hills. Then look to the sky and dream of the day I tackle mountains.
The cycle begins again. Today will wipe me out, and possibly keep me down and out for another few days as well. And then I’ll start all over.
My White Bench in the Park
Sunshine on My Face
I’ll get there again, I can’t stop now.
Thanks for listening…